Joy

After the beginning of this week (and much prayer, thanks) the Lord gave me the gift of joy. That word is so interesting. What does it mean to have joy anyway? It reminds me of Love - not oh snap that guy's smokin lust kind of love but the God agape kind. Love people who don't deserve it when it's so stinking hard. SO, Joy to have it when it's so stinking hard and as life is doesn't warant nor deserve it. Wednesday when I came home from work I actaully got some stuff done and listened to some sermons. I kind of enjoyed myself and was happy. However, I feel like its a crazy up hill battle and I fall on numerous occasions towards the valley of dispair.

This week I also went to bible study, finally. I had very mixed feelings about it. The upside to it was the passages we read: Phillipians 2-3. Paul's life, prior to his experiance with God, was not exactly humanitarian nor the life which the good Lord would be happy of. However, he became a man after him in phil 3 it talks about how by the wordly standards he was hott stuff man. Had the right race card, had the right job etc but that didn't matter to him. He found it joy just to know God's love
The mixed feelings came from the fact I can be such an incredibly critical person. There were some people there who just made me cringe and I didn't feel totally comfortable. The whole time i was asking the Lord to give me grace and to learn from the people there. TOtally hard.

hmmmmmm