Unbelievable but totally believable

So this past weekend I went home to take care of some things and as (a pleasant) side note we ended up in Bloomington visiting the sister and cousin and we made panades (SO GOOD).
However, that isn't the unbelievable but totally believable part...on my drive back to good ole Cleveland O H I O I was disappointed to find the book on CD I had picked up from the library was scratched! I tried listening to music but it didn't fly I got annoyed real quick (still not the you know believable unbelieve part) SO I turned it off and drove in silence praying, thinking about things I have been learning and eventually talking to some friends on the phone (Miss you all dearly) After all that silence prayer and talking something was really bugging me, my head hurt becuase I couldn't figure it out. Today after volleyball ( which was interesting we lost two/three) it all kind of hit me - the unbelievable but totally believable

(I am fully aware all of the background story has really no relevance to the subsequent revelation but I have a problem with disclosing too much information plus it tells you what I've been up to)

I have said before that I realize that I am a stubborn, critical minded person at times - but for some unbelievable reason I have failed to realize how much that has affected my view and realationship with the Lord, the church, and relationships in general. I make comments a lot saying I don't believe peoples actions and thoughts especially when it comes to christians and pastors. There are so many things especially about God that people talk about frequently like fearing the Lord, having a desire to be with him, the Lord's Character in general - and I say all the time how I don't think people understand that and the church usually preaches the opposite of what he is really about. More accuraetly that they leave part of it out - BUT (here is the climactic part, atleast for me)I think that mainly comes from the fact I don't really know it or understand it and apply that same truth to everyone and everything...you know the whole "you see the world through your own lense and such." There is more to this, what I like to call, ahh huuu moment but my brain is still trying to comprehend.

I pray the Lord softens my heart more and reveals more of these thing to me, totally believable I refused to see that.

Updates

Update time- I've started to write a blog at least twice this past week and just gave up so I am going to persevere through and finish this one :-) as I cook some dinner.

Sports Update:

• Volleyball- we won 1 and lost 2. It was quite tragic and I blame the guys :-) With good reason. Our lack of wins bumped us down to third place but we still have a couple more games to bring it around.
• Bowling- our team hay a bye week and didn't have to play against another team so we competed against each other and I so won. Granted my scores were 118, 133, and 128 not the greatest but I still beat one of the guys on my team(he was having a really bad night

Church/Spiritual Update

• Church had a conference this past Thursday and Friday night and Christi Wember (John Wember's, the founder or what not of vineyards, daughter-n-law) spoke. It was good nothing really convicting for me but it was good to be in community.
  One song we sang (Where you go I'll go by Brian and Jenn Johnson) that I really liked had lyrics that went like this:

Where you go I'll Go
What you say I'll Say (God)
What you pray I'll Pray
What you pray I'll Pray

It was my favorite song we sang, especially that part.


Also, at the conference while she was talking I had two thoughts.

1. She talked a lot about living a life that is on fire that everyone around would want to come watch you burn and having an attitude that people want to be around - that you show the light of God. As I heard her say that I thought to myself how badly I want a better attitude sometimes, I am such a cynical person sometimes ( a lot of times) and I would love to change that because sometimes when I talk to people I feel bad for them that they have to hear me talk all the time. But I don't want to be fake and lie about how I really feel. Prayer for that would be great.

2. Most of her talk was a lot about her experiences and taking about God in general but I was weary of some of what she said. And PLEASE SHOOT ME DOWN if you know something I don't but she said " God loves when we trust him he eats that stuff up" and I thought to my self does it say that in the Bible? Or is she just assuming that? Sometimes I feel we assume God is like humans and has all the same emotions but I would like to think (I know I am making assumptions too) that God made us in his image but we are not totally like him so if we eat up the fact the people trust us does it mean that he does? Just a thought

3. Yeah I know I said two things but I liked this analogy that she said:
" There was this salesman that couldn't get this customer to buy what he was selling and his manager asked him about it and the salesman said I guess the saying is true you can bring a horse to water but you can't make him drink. His manager then responds, it is not your job to make him drink it's your job to make him thirsty" Same applies to the evangelism

• Studies so I have decided to start a study in 1 and 2 Peter and follow along with Mark Driscol's new sermon series. I am actually really excited about it. Also, potentially doing a woman's study with Rachel which would be really fun.

I do believe friends that is all I have to update besides the fact I went to Mongolian BBQ and saw Gran Torino; both were totally enjoyable....aaaanddd I am shopping for a couch so when people come to visit they have a place to sit :-)

"Unceasing Worship"

So I was just passing time by perusing through facebook and checking up on some friends. One friend included Mrs. Misha Seger and I saw that she blogged!! So checked it out and it lead me to Mark Driscoll's blog and stumbled upon a very comforting passage.

He was talking about Spiritual Disciplines, in highlight, Worship. The last one on the sub list of worship was unceasing worship and it read this:

"Jesus’ life destroys any notion that worship is a sacred thing we do at a special time and special place. All of life is to be lived as ceaseless worship; cutting our grass and cleaning our dishes are as sacred and God-glorifying as raising our hands in church. Jesus Himself modeled this: He spent roughly 90 percent of His earthly life doing chores as a boy and working a carpentry job as a man. Paul sums up the life of unceasing worship best in 1 Corinthians 10:31, “So, whether you eat or drink, or whatever you do, do all to the glory of God.”"

The part about 90% of Jesus' life was just doing chores and carpentry is incredible encouraging. The main gripe I have had about life lately is that I don't feel like I am making much of a difference and that my life does not mean much - which is a bit on the depressing side. However, Jesus for most of his life did very, seemingly, non-value added things in life. The ordinary day in day out stuff. The Lord has so graciously used me and allowed me to see it by bring people to him. I have made a difference in the kingdom world. Though I totally and duly note the fact that it is not the same impact the Jesus had but if Jesus can handle 90% of his life doing the ordinary how much more should I. I should take delight that I am where the Lord has me and worship unceasingly.

I pray that the Lord reminds me of that and helps ingrain that in me, because though this was a profound light bulb in my life I still feel this internal struggle.

Joy

After the beginning of this week (and much prayer, thanks) the Lord gave me the gift of joy. That word is so interesting. What does it mean to have joy anyway? It reminds me of Love - not oh snap that guy's smokin lust kind of love but the God agape kind. Love people who don't deserve it when it's so stinking hard. SO, Joy to have it when it's so stinking hard and as life is doesn't warant nor deserve it. Wednesday when I came home from work I actaully got some stuff done and listened to some sermons. I kind of enjoyed myself and was happy. However, I feel like its a crazy up hill battle and I fall on numerous occasions towards the valley of dispair.

This week I also went to bible study, finally. I had very mixed feelings about it. The upside to it was the passages we read: Phillipians 2-3. Paul's life, prior to his experiance with God, was not exactly humanitarian nor the life which the good Lord would be happy of. However, he became a man after him in phil 3 it talks about how by the wordly standards he was hott stuff man. Had the right race card, had the right job etc but that didn't matter to him. He found it joy just to know God's love
The mixed feelings came from the fact I can be such an incredibly critical person. There were some people there who just made me cringe and I didn't feel totally comfortable. The whole time i was asking the Lord to give me grace and to learn from the people there. TOtally hard.

hmmmmmm

Trying Hard to look up

I feel like such a loser sometimes- I just am not happy here. Today at work was uuubber frustrating; one of those days where you just want to throw up your hands and say the heck with it. I had to remind myself numerous times to smile and to think about God. (didn't change my mood much)

Another thing that gets to me is I can't get anything done. I feel so bounded - I can get one thing started a night like emptying my dishwasher and not loading it and sorting the laundry but not doing it. Its so annoying.
Yesterday I was feeling down too so I went to the coffee shop and read my bible it was really nice but I want reading the bible to give me peace and joy and it's not working. I try so hard to make a conscience effort to take joy in where I am however it's not working.

On a side note I had a volleyball game today. The other team had only three players (us 6!) we won the first and last but lost the second so crazy, we had twice as many people and every game was close. I did make the winning point which was cool.

The Holidays

I just got home from a week and a half in indy and it was wonderfully enjoyable with its minor hickups...So much happened I feel.

It started out with a very eventful drive home which included black ice, near death experience, a ditch, staying with strangers, and my windshield wipers motor going out. Glorious experience I must say but got is good and I am safe and I made it to indy.
Christmas was surprisingly nice. My mums house was all decorated and filled with awesome cooking. Then to sets of aunts, uncles, and cousins came over. We played games and ate alot of food.
The days to follow were a whirlwind. I had a massive shouting match with mi madre and hand some issues boil up. With the car being pretty much totaled since the motor for the windshield wipers cost more than the actual car is worth I needed a new car and in the hopes to spare a long winded explanation I got a new car after many road blocks to get there! A kia spectra. Pretty crazy and since it's an '09 I feel oddly guilty about having it but trying to just be thankful that the Lord provided.
During the break I also went to Purdue (in fact right from the auto dealership i drove up) and went to a basketball game with the gang. It was fun we lost but still fun. I also got to hangout and celebrate newyears with them. It was good relationships were strengthened and air was cleared. I met up with the ole Weida gang. One day was actaully completly dedicated to hanging out with Kim and her kidos which was SO much fun and refreshing. Mindy even came over, it was so great to catch up and see her.

Overall it was a really nice break which is making tomorrow (first day back at work) kinda painful but it will be good.