The point

Luke 15: 11-31

2010-01-25T11:51:00.000-08:00

Luke 15:11-31 Is the parable of the lost son.

I am sure most of you all know about it and have read/heard it TONS of times however, when I read it today I had a different feeling about it.

Recap of the parable: This wealthy man has two sons. The younger of the two goes to his father and asks for his inheritance upfront; his father grants his request and he runs off and squanders it on frivolous things. Sometime after a famine/ hard times hit the country and the young son is pretty much left with nothing. He ends up working as a farm hand and has less to eat than the pigs do. He decides to go and ask for work from his father since his father's servants are pretty well off. When he goes home his father accepts him with huge open arms and clothes, feeds, and loves on him. His father ends up throwing a huge party for him and the older son gets annoyed and upset. The older sons thoughts are that he has been faithful and a hard worker for his dad for this whole time and he has never received a party and here his brother is who lost everything, shamed his family and he gets a celebration.

Every other time I have ever heard/read this story I think about how the younger son got welcomed home and forgiven but this time I focused more on the older son. I think we have this mentality a lot; that life isn't fair-' why do all these people who are bad get good things', 'I have been good and I deserve a celebration'. At the end of the parable it says that the Father says to the older son "you are always with me, and everything I have is yours" How often do we forget that God is always with us and that we take advantage of it. Even though we work hard at being good for him and following him-working hard out in the field and don't get and recognition.

Thank you Jesus for coming to die for us and giving us the privilege to always have the Father with us. Remind us how good we have it.

My Birthday happenings.....

2009-12-28T19:47:00.000-08:00

I do realize my birthday was like two weeks ago but I want to share with all what a wonderful birfday I did have.

I went up to Lafayette to see some friends and hang out since I haven't seen them in a long time. I was able to have breakfast with Kristin, hangout with Emi and the Weida women, and spend time with Kim it was great. I even got to decorate the tree at church. After the packed day Kurt and I drove back to my Mums house for dinner. She made dukunu (a Belizian dish) yuuuuummmmmmy! THEN Kurt took me on a surprise adventure that took us into the outskirts of downtown...up to an unknown house down this dark street...He made me knock on the door and I was a little anxious but then a big teddy bear face appeared and it was Ty(Kurt's cousin)! We ended up at Ty's house and Heather was there! We went downtown to the IMAX theater to see the Christmas Carole. It was so good, my favorite part was when he was flying through the air.

Pretty good huh? WELL it's NOT over!

Saturday we went down to Bloomington to spend some time with Kurt's familia and put up their Christmas tree.

Sunday we went to the Colts game! It was so fun. BUT first we all went to breakfast and it was delicious!

After that Kurt and I went to steak n' shake.... Getting there was interesting though we went to a sketchy part of town looking for a place to eat.... I recommend not going over the bridge. THEN it was time for another surprise ..... this one was a little nervi for me. (Although I think I guessed it was going to happen on our drive through the sketch part of town but don't tell Kurt :-) ) He made me close my eyes the whole way there. Then wouldn't let me open my eyes until we got out the car and walked up there. I didn't trust his to be honest (and for good reason because he let me trip on a curb!!) Then he made me hold a phone book over my head(with my eyes still closed) to take a picture. (So embarrassing.)

Then... FINALLY..I was able to open my eyes!!! We were at the Zoo and not just anytime at the zoo ...Christmas at the ZOO. I wanted to go so bad because I love the lights. It was so too cool.

Not only did I get to go on all those adventures but I even got three cool presents from Kurt. THANKS BABE!

Awesome Birthday. Thank you Jesus for another year.

Thanksgiving 09 woop woop

2009-11-30T16:37:00.000-08:00

A lot of times my work schedule stinks but for the holidays it can be nice. I got the entire week off for Thanksgiving! On my first couple days off I got a bunch of stuff done I wouldn't usually get done.

This year I spent Thanksgiving day with my family (minus Kaley because she was in Gary with her husbands family). We went to our long time friends house from Jamaica and has a hodge podge of food. It was a good time; one of my co-workers came over too since his family is far away. After eating we came home

Side bar...(I am living at home now. The day I was to sign my lease I decided not to move there becuase it just cost so much money to live in a one bdrm apt- I could buy house for that amount of money. So, I caved in and moved back home. So far it hasn't been that bad, kind of nice actually. My mom and sister make food all the time and we have cool convos.)

Off side bar..... when we got back home we played telenary(favorite game ever!) and then we went to see Ninja Assasin., WORST idea EVA..it was so bad- not even entertaining. Oh well. Still over all pretty cool- I wish we had gone to Chicago and seen our Dad's side but Karyl had to work the next day and Mom wasn't feeling great.

On Friday I went to Kurt's mom's side of the family. It was a lot of fun. They were all so welcoming. We ate good food and played games most of the afternoon. Kurt picked my up from Indy so we drove to lafayette together and got to talk a bunch which was awesome. I think I enjoy those times the most becuase I learn a lot about his character during those conversations. I like that guy a bunch. I totally wish my job was closer to lafayette.

Saturday Kurt and the boys had a thanksgiving get together at their place. There were 25 people there not including all the kids! It was crazy but really fun and lots of good food.

Thank you Jesus for your blessings.

Furniture SHopping

2009-10-22T17:20:00.000-07:00

My Mum and I went to look at furniture today since when I move into my apartment in a couple weeks and I've decided once again that I am not a shopper; nor am I any good at putting things together. I am pretty sure I sat in at least half of the couches in that store and still I am not positive what I want.

Things I do know: I want my couch to be deep and long and loungy (whatever that means). I also know I don't want a loveseat because it wont fit in my apt so I think a chair would be good instead. I do know I like dark wood furniture too.

The couch I liked today is this one:

But I am not sure about the color or anything really. I have a horrible time making a decision.

hmmmm any thoughts?

First night on Nights

2009-09-22T11:34:00.000-07:00

So in my glorious job at a manufacturing plant I have been granted the gift of working nights for 4 months. Last night was the first night.
So, in case you were wondering working nights means I go in at 6pm and leave anywhere between 7am and 9am.
Last night wasn't as bad as I thought it would be; it was a lot more relaxed than it on days and I had more time to get things done. I wasn't too tired either but I drank half a bottle of 5hour energy (which i would highly recommend the stuff really works-I just hope it isn't that bad for me).

For those in west Lafayette know that I was gone from the plant all last week and yesterday was my first day back and when I got there I was actually refreshed and a bit happy to be there. However, that feeling faded pretty quickly. As I read my emails and talked to people feelings of anxiety and tension started to rise up. At work I can humble admit I am probably not the best example of the Lord's servant by any means. I can be a little snippy and controlling and I could just feel those thoughts rising up. Lord please give me the strength and the ability to rejoice in my job and where you have me-even if it is at an un-Godly hour.

To dwell on better things though; I LOVED being in West Lafayette this past week. It was super hard to leave but I am thankful I was able to be there and hang out and be a part of the church more. I can't complain either that I got to hang out with Kurtmister quite a bit as well.

So, thank you Jesus for all your blessings even the ones I don't like very much right now.

Daddy Stories

2009-08-02T19:00:00.000-07:00

I asked my mom about my dad the other day and their relationship and it was really cool to hear. It made me smile but made me a little sad at the same time. I would have loved to know him, he sounded like such an awesome man. I asked her about how their relationship worked even though it seemed like they came from two different worlds (he was from a small town in northern indy and my mom is from Belize) She talked about how he would fit in any where and any crowd. She also talked about the first time she met his Dad it was really cool to hear.

Relaxing and productive...say what?

2009-07-22T17:06:00.000-07:00

Today was a very relaxing and productive day...yes both at the same time. It started with getting up and getting my oil for my car changed. Then I came home had breakfast while listening to Session III f the summer conference (http://www.vinecommunitychurch.com/audio)

Side note on the talk.... My favorite part was the first part, Hebrews 11 starts off about what faith is: Being sure of what we hope for and certain of what we do not see. It was hard for me to really follow the talk and connect but the other part I liked was when he talked about his church building and how the Lord told them to wait and they are still there. I love hearing stories like that reminds me he really does care about us individually and is not a far off out of touch God. He knows and cares about each of us.

To continue my productive/relaxing day........after breakfast I took a shower then went and got a massage!! I was a beautiful thing at the end I could have went to bed for the rest of the day. After that I came home and watched tv and chilled then I went shopping ( spent way too much today) I got home cooked dinner...(which I don't do often and when I say cook I just heated up-I had chicken stuffed with cheese and broccoli and peas with feta cheese on the side) AND NOW I am doing laundry.

I so don't want to go to work tomorrow but I am sure the next two days of work will go by fast. At least I hope so because I am super excited for this weekend to hang out with friends and RELAX some more.

Blessed

2009-07-16T22:34:00.000-07:00

I was thinking today about how blessed I am. Being able to move back home and be around family for one but friends too!

I have been able to spend time with my youngest sister which has been super awesome. We are definitely growing a friendship that has never been there before. We even hung out tonight at my apartment and she did my nails and I made smoothies. I can't wait to see how being here will effect my other sister and my relationship (she is currently in colorado) Being able to go over to my mums for dinner and watch our favorite shows is fun.

Being by friends rocks hard core. I've been able to strengthen some freindships and grow some new ones and I am totally diggin it.

I have a job! I can pay off bills and are able to bless others (thank you Jesus!) I can read, walk, run, talk, eat awesome food and taste it.

I thought about all that blessing in my life becuase I was listening to the second session of the summer conference the church went on. He was talking about how he wants to be in front of the Lord and have evidence of doing something with what the Lord gave you. I am so blessed with so much I wonder if I truly use that the way the good all mighty Lord wants me to. Please Jesus let me know. I thank you!

Life Choices

2009-07-07T20:54:00.000-07:00

Please refer to the following sayings: "I wonder what God's calling is on my life" "When the Lord calls me I will go"

In the book "Crazy Love" he talked about how he doesn't like when people say those previsouly stated sayings. It says we should just live our life to glorify the Lord in all that we do. When we sit and watch tv for hours on end do we do it becuase the Lord "called us" to do it?

So, when it comes to my life how do I know what to do? I can work and do my best and glorify the Lord in all I do by serving people, working with integrity, and working for him and not for the sole purpose of moving up the ladder. OR I could move to a third world country OR just quit and do something else.

POSTING!!

2009-06-21T20:53:00.000-07:00

Ahh so I am finally doing it (writing a post) with much encouragement from some friends and fam!

Life is way crazy from the last entry I have been moved to indianapolis like most of you know. I absolutely love being here and have a feeling I am not going to want to leave.

One thing about living here though is the ridiculous working hours. Like today, I left for work at 6am and got home at 10:45 pm!!!!! AND get to go back in at 7 tomorrow. It's an interesting job and the time kind of goes by fast but I don't like the hours. No normal life to be had that's for sure.

This past two days off though were really nice. Kristin came down and I loved getting to know her better plus just hanging out. We also went and ordered out AWESOME bridesmaid dresses. They are so cute! Then I was a complete bum all day. Friday I got to hang out with my youngest sister all day it was fun. We went to the pool and got BURNT and got our eyebrows done, and had lunch ..it was good to hang out with her.

I can't wait for next weekend to go up to lafayette and Misha will be there and get to see everyone!

Belize Update and a revelation

2009-04-08T08:02:00.000-07:00

So we (my youngest sister and I) arrived in Belize Sunday. It wasn't till we finally stepped out of the plane and in to the hot muggy air did it really hit me that we were here! Our family tends to be alot of talk and no action and even though I was in charge of the trip this time my mind was still weary of the outcome.
Sunday: My brother, unfortuneatly, had to go to Tinidad and Tobago (however you spell it) all week for work so he met us at the airport before he left and we had lunch. SO amazing to see him I miss him. His wonderful wife Tanya and youngest son Jahban were also present to welcome us. Jahban is SO CUTE. I will put picutres up when I return. The rest of the sunday consisted of eating great food ( Panades, cocunut tarts, plum, and honey chicken) it was then followed by ALOT of sleep. We literally got no sleep before the plane ride so we were spent.

Monday: We went to visit my grandparents in Belmopan its like 45 min away from Belize city (which is where we are staying) it was really good to see them. My grannie made sere which is a fish soup. SOUP?? who on earth makes soup when it's like 95 degrees outside haha never-the-less I thought it was good but my grannie it one of those who stuffs you full of food saying "take more take more and dont tell me you are on a diet!! " My grandad is so cute and has an amazing sense of humor and he loves boxing?? Love 'em.

Tuesday: Was not that exciting we just relaxed at the house. It was a cooler day of 75 and overcast. We decided to have a cookout and play games. So my sister-in -laws sister (follow?) had her friends come over and we hung out ate and played basketball. Then we played cards and finally ended on that one game with the 3 rounds I never remember the name of it! It was a good day regardless.

So my revelation ..............................even though people have kids it doesn't mean they grow up!! I have been talking to some friends and when hearing stories you would respond saying soemthing like "that is so childish" or "they need to grow up" orrrr "what is their problem?? they are suppose to be the parent" And it dawned on me (regardless of how obvious it is) that just because you bare a child doesn't mean you suddenly become mature and grow up....even if you have been a parent for 25 years!

A Friend and an awesome singer

2009-03-22T18:06:00.000-07:00

This past week a very good friend of mine came to visit for her spring break. It was so awesome to hang out with her and catch up. I was in disbelief she was actually here so many plans and promises have been made in the past and I didn't think it would actually happen. We had dinner downtown the first night ...which was st pattys day craziness downtown!! We ended up starting Alias from the begining - ADORE that show she got hooked too.

We also went hiking and found the "grand" waterfalls of Bedford.

Saturday I went to the Adele concert. It was AMAZING!!! She is so good and the opening act was really good too. They are a Scottish band and have adorable accentts...I officially have a new crush. After the concert we went dancing. It was so much fun. My legs were sore this morning from dancing so much ...either that or the fact I am so out of shape.

I am really starting to enjoy living here in Cleveland too bad I am leaving in like 4 months

Church, sermons and the like

2009-03-02T17:40:00.000-08:00

So this weekend I listened to a few sermons online, went to church, and I am reading the Case for Christ... These are some of my thoughts pertaining to them (if you dont read the whole post read the last point-funny)

-John 4:14 but whoever drinks the water I give them will never thirst. Have you ever thought of that verse? When I read (which I am sure was for the 100th time) it hit me a different way. The questions "what does this look like?" and "what does that mean?" When we accept Jesus we don't stop yearning for things or asking questions. I am going to look into what this refers to.

-I listened to the discipline of community and I felt really home sick for ole' lafayette. Mainly the people there. That is what sets CRC apart from other churches it really focuses on doing life together and valuing community. I miss that so much.

-I listened to temptation from hypocrisy and sin and it was really good. Wanting to follow/respect Jesus and follow what he says.

-Case for Christ is actually a really good read so far. I never wanted to read it because everyone had but I am enjoying it and learning a lot!

-Every month the church I go to has something called "deeper" and during it I had a couple thoughts. One had to do with a broken relationship in my life and I was praying for it and at the end of deeper instead of getting prayer for it I thought to myself "there is no point" just a very strong spirit of skepticism came over me. I want to stop thinking through my own lens in life and have one like Gods. My view is so ugly.

-A couple of us from work went out for happy hour. During out appetizers and drinks one of the guys asks "you know in the almost 6 months that we have known you, you haven't been interested in any guys- for all we know you could be in to girls" umm say WHAT? number one defenealty into the dudes! but number two I just am not into settling and plus I am moving soon........ after listening to that hypocrisy sermon I felt a little convicted that I beat around the bush- I wish I would have said I am waiting on God's timing ... and not try to validate/convince ......... But yea way akward!

Read with Caution (kinda gross)

2009-02-17T19:07:00.000-08:00

I am not sure why but I really feel the desire to share this:

So I have been ridiculously nauseous- a side effect i am attributing to the antibiotics I am on, valid assumption? not sure. but go with it. An accompanying side effect is a persistent headache- not important to the story but added for sympathy points.

Anywho, so i was sitting here not hungry because of the two previously stated reasons; so to take my medicine I decided to have some popcorn just so I wouldn't take it on an empty stomach. Hours later I am sitting here thinking about how much I would LOVE to throw up and I finally do!! and though during the initial onset I was actually elated that elation was deflated very quickly because throwing up popcorn is not fun and I currently have a kernal stuck in my throat. ( that would be the comic relief part)
Gross but that's the story. Enjoy

Simple Joys

2009-02-16T18:45:00.000-08:00

So I am not fully recovered from this awful sickness by any means however I ventured out any way becaase I am SO over my apartment. I went to see "He's just not that into you" with some girls from work after they coaxed me into going to this wine bar (which you may not know this about me but I love wine). It was good to get out.

On my way home I got to catch up with two awesome girls who I miss like none other. Than I got home and read some other friend's blogs and hearing about how they are doing well made me happy.

I actually felt ok enough to read today and I was reading and listening to some stuff about our big man Jesus and the whole idea about doing all things to Glorify God in all you do makes life look so different. Very cool.

Thank you Jesus for movies, for this lush life in America we are blessed with, for friends, and for blessing friends, and for giving you glory.

Three day weekend bust

2009-02-15T14:14:00.000-08:00

Wednesday night when I got home from bowling I could (almost literally) feel all my white blood cells attacking some foreign thing in my body. Thursday I got up and went to work any way and then they sent me home. What followed was probably what I would like to describe as the worst span of sickness that I have yet to experience. It started with a anvil like weight on my chest and difficulty inhaling correct amounts of oxygen. Then went into a hard core fever and shivers. Then it moved up to my throat I could hardly speak it hurt to swallow even breathe. After hardcore drugging myself I woke up this morning feeling a little normal. Just drained of energy now. I am so sick (no pun intended) of my apartment. I hope I feel up to atleast seeing a movie tomorrow. Getting out. Three day weekend spent being sick.... saddness. But Thank you Jesus that it was just a cold and I am getting better.

FIRST Visit From A Friend

2009-02-08T16:10:00.000-08:00

This weekend my FIRST visitor came to Cleveland to hang out!! Clay came- he is part of the Student Venture crew I always hung out with in highschool. It was really fun to be around someone familiar. We didn't do anything exciting really watch some movies and took a grand tour of Cleveland. It was just as much a tour for me as it was for him. I knew that stuff was down there and I had seen it but mainly at night so I was cool. Yea for visitors!

So when I knew Clay was coming I finally resolved to just go buy a couch. So, last weekend I went out with that very intention and guess what!!? I didn't get anything hahaha I didn't really like anything so instead I went to walmart and bought an air mattress. It worked out really well I think :-). I agree to the fact I am a little ridiculous but it's ok.

So, If anyone else would like to visit -you should!

Unbelievable but totally believable

2009-01-27T19:28:00.000-08:00

So this past weekend I went home to take care of some things and as (a pleasant) side note we ended up in Bloomington visiting the sister and cousin and we made panades (SO GOOD).
However, that isn't the unbelievable but totally believable part...on my drive back to good ole Cleveland O H I O I was disappointed to find the book on CD I had picked up from the library was scratched! I tried listening to music but it didn't fly I got annoyed real quick (still not the you know believable unbelieve part) SO I turned it off and drove in silence praying, thinking about things I have been learning and eventually talking to some friends on the phone (Miss you all dearly) After all that silence prayer and talking something was really bugging me, my head hurt becuase I couldn't figure it out. Today after volleyball ( which was interesting we lost two/three) it all kind of hit me - the unbelievable but totally believable

(I am fully aware all of the background story has really no relevance to the subsequent revelation but I have a problem with disclosing too much information plus it tells you what I've been up to)

I have said before that I realize that I am a stubborn, critical minded person at times - but for some unbelievable reason I have failed to realize how much that has affected my view and realationship with the Lord, the church, and relationships in general. I make comments a lot saying I don't believe peoples actions and thoughts especially when it comes to christians and pastors. There are so many things especially about God that people talk about frequently like fearing the Lord, having a desire to be with him, the Lord's Character in general - and I say all the time how I don't think people understand that and the church usually preaches the opposite of what he is really about. More accuraetly that they leave part of it out - BUT (here is the climactic part, atleast for me)I think that mainly comes from the fact I don't really know it or understand it and apply that same truth to everyone and everything...you know the whole "you see the world through your own lense and such." There is more to this, what I like to call, ahh huuu moment but my brain is still trying to comprehend.

I pray the Lord softens my heart more and reveals more of these thing to me, totally believable I refused to see that.

Updates

2009-01-18T15:50:00.000-08:00

Update time- I've started to write a blog at least twice this past week and just gave up so I am going to persevere through and finish this one :-) as I cook some dinner.

Sports Update:

Volleyball- we won 1 and lost 2. It was quite tragic and I blame the guys :-) With good reason. Our lack of wins bumped us down to third place but we still have a couple more games to bring it around.
Bowling- our team hay a bye week and didn't have to play against another team so we competed against each other and I so won. Granted my scores were 118, 133, and 128 not the greatest but I still beat one of the guys on my team(he was having a really bad night

Church/Spiritual Update

Church had a conference this past Thursday and Friday night and Christi Wember (John Wember's, the founder or what not of vineyards, daughter-n-law) spoke. It was good nothing really convicting for me but it was good to be in community.
One song we sang (Where you go I'll go by Brian and Jenn Johnson) that I really liked had lyrics that went like this:

Where you go I'll Go
What you say I'll Say (God)
What you pray I'll Pray
What you pray I'll Pray

It was my favorite song we sang, especially that part.

Also, at the conference while she was talking I had two thoughts.

1. She talked a lot about living a life that is on fire that everyone around would want to come watch you burn and having an attitude that people want to be around - that you show the light of God. As I heard her say that I thought to myself how badly I want a better attitude sometimes, I am such a cynical person sometimes ( a lot of times) and I would love to change that because sometimes when I talk to people I feel bad for them that they have to hear me talk all the time. But I don't want to be fake and lie about how I really feel. Prayer for that would be great.

2. Most of her talk was a lot about her experiences and taking about God in general but I was weary of some of what she said. And PLEASE SHOOT ME DOWN if you know something I don't but she said " God loves when we trust him he eats that stuff up" and I thought to my self does it say that in the Bible? Or is she just assuming that? Sometimes I feel we assume God is like humans and has all the same emotions but I would like to think (I know I am making assumptions too) that God made us in his image but we are not totally like him so if we eat up the fact the people trust us does it mean that he does? Just a thought

3. Yeah I know I said two things but I liked this analogy that she said:
" There was this salesman that couldn't get this customer to buy what he was selling and his manager asked him about it and the salesman said I guess the saying is true you can bring a horse to water but you can't make him drink. His manager then responds, it is not your job to make him drink it's your job to make him thirsty" Same applies to the evangelism

Studies so I have decided to start a study in 1 and 2 Peter and follow along with Mark Driscol's new sermon series. I am actually really excited about it. Also, potentially doing a woman's study with Rachel which would be really fun.

I do believe friends that is all I have to update besides the fact I went to Mongolian BBQ and saw Gran Torino; both were totally enjoyable....aaaanddd I am shopping for a couch so when people come to visit they have a place to sit :-)

"Unceasing Worship"

2009-01-11T16:31:00.000-08:00

So I was just passing time by perusing through facebook and checking up on some friends. One friend included Mrs. Misha Seger and I saw that she blogged!! So checked it out and it lead me to Mark Driscoll's blog and stumbled upon a very comforting passage.

He was talking about Spiritual Disciplines, in highlight, Worship. The last one on the sub list of worship was unceasing worship and it read this:

"Jesus’ life destroys any notion that worship is a sacred thing we do at a special time and special place. All of life is to be lived as ceaseless worship; cutting our grass and cleaning our dishes are as sacred and God-glorifying as raising our hands in church. Jesus Himself modeled this: He spent roughly 90 percent of His earthly life doing chores as a boy and working a carpentry job as a man. Paul sums up the life of unceasing worship best in 1 Corinthians 10:31, “So, whether you eat or drink, or whatever you do, do all to the glory of God.”"

The part about 90% of Jesus' life was just doing chores and carpentry is incredible encouraging. The main gripe I have had about life lately is that I don't feel like I am making much of a difference and that my life does not mean much - which is a bit on the depressing side. However, Jesus for most of his life did very, seemingly, non-value added things in life. The ordinary day in day out stuff. The Lord has so graciously used me and allowed me to see it by bring people to him. I have made a difference in the kingdom world. Though I totally and duly note the fact that it is not the same impact the Jesus had but if Jesus can handle 90% of his life doing the ordinary how much more should I. I should take delight that I am where the Lord has me and worship unceasingly.

I pray that the Lord reminds me of that and helps ingrain that in me, because though this was a profound light bulb in my life I still feel this internal struggle.

Joy

2009-01-09T21:25:00.000-08:00

After the beginning of this week (and much prayer, thanks) the Lord gave me the gift of joy. That word is so interesting. What does it mean to have joy anyway? It reminds me of Love - not oh snap that guy's smokin lust kind of love but the God agape kind. Love people who don't deserve it when it's so stinking hard. SO, Joy to have it when it's so stinking hard and as life is doesn't warant nor deserve it. Wednesday when I came home from work I actaully got some stuff done and listened to some sermons. I kind of enjoyed myself and was happy. However, I feel like its a crazy up hill battle and I fall on numerous occasions towards the valley of dispair.

This week I also went to bible study, finally. I had very mixed feelings about it. The upside to it was the passages we read: Phillipians 2-3. Paul's life, prior to his experiance with God, was not exactly humanitarian nor the life which the good Lord would be happy of. However, he became a man after him in phil 3 it talks about how by the wordly standards he was hott stuff man. Had the right race card, had the right job etc but that didn't matter to him. He found it joy just to know God's love
The mixed feelings came from the fact I can be such an incredibly critical person. There were some people there who just made me cringe and I didn't feel totally comfortable. The whole time i was asking the Lord to give me grace and to learn from the people there. TOtally hard.

hmmmmmm

Trying Hard to look up

2009-01-06T17:34:00.000-08:00

I feel like such a loser sometimes- I just am not happy here. Today at work was uuubber frustrating; one of those days where you just want to throw up your hands and say the heck with it. I had to remind myself numerous times to smile and to think about God. (didn't change my mood much)

Another thing that gets to me is I can't get anything done. I feel so bounded - I can get one thing started a night like emptying my dishwasher and not loading it and sorting the laundry but not doing it. Its so annoying.
Yesterday I was feeling down too so I went to the coffee shop and read my bible it was really nice but I want reading the bible to give me peace and joy and it's not working. I try so hard to make a conscience effort to take joy in where I am however it's not working.

On a side note I had a volleyball game today. The other team had only three players (us 6!) we won the first and last but lost the second so crazy, we had twice as many people and every game was close. I did make the winning point which was cool.

The Holidays

2009-01-04T19:55:00.000-08:00

I just got home from a week and a half in indy and it was wonderfully enjoyable with its minor hickups...So much happened I feel.

It started out with a very eventful drive home which included black ice, near death experience, a ditch, staying with strangers, and my windshield wipers motor going out. Glorious experience I must say but got is good and I am safe and I made it to indy.
Christmas was surprisingly nice. My mums house was all decorated and filled with awesome cooking. Then to sets of aunts, uncles, and cousins came over. We played games and ate alot of food.
The days to follow were a whirlwind. I had a massive shouting match with mi madre and hand some issues boil up. With the car being pretty much totaled since the motor for the windshield wipers cost more than the actual car is worth I needed a new car and in the hopes to spare a long winded explanation I got a new car after many road blocks to get there! A kia spectra. Pretty crazy and since it's an '09 I feel oddly guilty about having it but trying to just be thankful that the Lord provided.
During the break I also went to Purdue (in fact right from the auto dealership i drove up) and went to a basketball game with the gang. It was fun we lost but still fun. I also got to hangout and celebrate newyears with them. It was good relationships were strengthened and air was cleared. I met up with the ole Weida gang. One day was actaully completly dedicated to hanging out with Kim and her kidos which was SO much fun and refreshing. Mindy even came over, it was so great to catch up and see her.

Overall it was a really nice break which is making tomorrow (first day back at work) kinda painful but it will be good.

Cold count down

2008-12-18T17:49:00.000-08:00

I got a cold this past weekend..booo... that annoying cough that produces nothing. The joy I have though is the countdown to going home!!! 5 days. I will be going to indy right away then Rachel is coming to visit on the weekend then I am going to Lafayette!!! I am so stoked.

My Birthday 23 and still the baby

2008-12-15T16:59:00.000-08:00

OMG I felt so stinking loved on my birthday ...all I can say is thank you papie! I was fearing a depressing feeling for my birthday especially when I lived with awesome roomates the past three years who ALWAYS made me feel very special on my birthday and now I live alone. However through the perks of facebook I got a countdown to my birthday from the friends in west laf and a countless (almost countless) amount of birthday wishes on my wall. That, by the way, I looked at all during work. If that was not enough I got cards and phone calls! Then one of the girls at worked rounded up some people from work and we went out for drinks and dinner.

One thing I just don't understand is why people want to take so many shots for their birthday and get drunk?? You don't feel good the next day and I don't know just dont get it ...sooo besides having to fight off (and not being too successful all the time) shots it was fun to be with people.

Debbie Downer

2008-12-08T17:06:00.000-08:00

I have felt like the infamous Debbie Downer lately. I think it has been magnified by being on third shift (11pm-8am) last week and an awesome (yes that is a sarcastic awesome) phone conversation from a family member. Everything I think about is how negative my life is but it SO isn't- it's just so hard to think beyond myself. I believe that most of it comes down to I feel like my job brings absolutely no change for good, especially God, in this world. It's hard to get motivated to go to work for big ole' Nestle

But I did make chocolate banana bread tonight- there's a plus

Thanksgiving Update

2008-11-29T00:06:00.001-08:00

So this Holiday has been surprisingly kinda nice. I got to Indy on Wednesday night and helped do prep cooking - I ended up with the task of baking which is never my role (that belonged to my sister who got married and they had dinner with the other family) never-the-less the desserts turned out really well, I think any way: two tarts and a pie.

I was able to see a bunch of friends I haven't seen in almost a year and I saw Alan tonight which was cool to catch up. I am debating going to Lafayette to go to church and hang out with Rachel- and hopefully some other friends will be there.

Today we also went to see Australia, the movie, so NOT impressed. Don't spend money to see it. It was cool to get out of the house and see a movie on the "big screen".

Lingering thought of the day: I miss my friends a lot. Not just the distance measured in mileage but also the invisible distance forming between some. Makes me sad - and hurt my trust in people even more.

Sunday Chruch -hickup-Date

2008-11-23T19:07:00.000-08:00

So today I went to church this morning - It was about God being Number one is lots of different ways. It was pretty good one part that really stuck out to me was "He is number one in creation". Colossians 1:15 states that Jesus Christ is the firstborn over all creation. This point was further elaborated to say all things were made BY God FOR him. For one reason or another this hit me. I feel like it answers a lot of questions, I am not sure which ones but it felt like an answer- a lot of times we always ask why this or that happened to me or why did God let this or that happen at all in this World .... maybe if we stopped thinking so worldly and remember its never about us that question wouldn't come up.

After church I get in my car and it starts making this disgusting noise and shaking. I decide to ignore it and keep driving. Turned out to be a bad idea. Thank the Lord I made it to a gas station and I opened the hood and I saw a line was disconnected so i attached it- works fine now. THANK YOU JESUS

SOoooo the date today was with my Popie (God) I went to panera had dinner and read my God, marriage and family book and then read more of 2 samuel. It was a very refreshing time. I actually didn't want to leave

Weekend Whirlwind

2008-11-04T18:44:00.000-08:00

God is so good... This past weekend Rachel got baptized!!! two weekends ago I was there and she was not going to do it and she said she didn't believe at all - she called off being baptized. I then decided I wasn't going to go back for baptism Sunday. However the Lord had different plans and convicted me to go. After a battle of going back and forth on how to get there the good Lord provided a way. I am so stinking thankful that the God has allowed me to watch her progression of not knowing the Lord at all to being totally Sold out to him - she got a tattoo of a bible verse on her neck!!!
The weekend was also very hard a lot of emotions but I think it boils down to betrayal, jealousy, and plain being hurt. I am trying so hard to trust in Jesus and his promises. In the midst of all this a friendship has gained momentum and grown I think and I am so very thankful for her and her support, especially through all of this.

Down Day

2008-10-14T17:04:00.000-07:00

I have got to stinkin stop looking on facebook.... I am so sad when ever I see everyone back in west laf hanging out having good times... I miss that so much

My popie (daddy) Loved on me yesterday

2008-10-06T19:25:00.000-07:00

I always ask God to show me his love or reach out just so I know he is for real and there. Yesterday I totally felt it... I went to church and like usual just kind of sitting by myself and at the end of service this lady came up to me and said "You know I try to do what the Lord asks of me and he told me to come pray for you so ...here I am ...can I pray for you?" I started crying ( which i have started to realize I am a major crier..I think i was in major denial before and said I wasn't but I so am)... Noone ever does that to me and I loved it! Especially it being so random and from a stranger.

Thank you popie

I love my car - yes that '93 Ford beat up Escort

2008-10-06T19:05:00.001-07:00

There have been a many a lessons that I have been learning since being here but one of the most pressing... (not THE most pressing but still pressing) lessons has been from what I like to now call a "Life Verse" of mine:

"Therefore, I urge you, bothers, in view of God's mercy, to offer your bodies as living sacrifices, holy and pleasing to God- this is your spiritual act of worship. DO NOT conform to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what God's will is- his good, pleasing and perfect will." Romans 12:1-2

woo just typing that verse out made me think about a lot of things and I know there has to be a zillion things packed in there that I have yet to have a revelation on but most of all if that not transforming to the pattern of this world. Which brings me to the title of this blog... dum duh dda ... "I love my car- yes the '93 Ford beat up escort" every day it reminds me I am not of this world. It's like a daily reminder to be confident in the Lord and his views and not this world. I have been made fun of already for my car and at times I find myself thinking why not just go get a car... you can make the payments.... but then a remember that here in America your status and worth is judged by what car ou drive where you live what you have and I do not live by that set of standards. Thank you Jesus.

Now mind you in just rereading that verse I have a laundry list of things I just know God wants to teach me about - since currently I really have no idea what they mean. A nonexahusted list is as follows:
be transformed by the renewing of your mind...hmmm (possible going through that now but not sure)
Test and approve God's will?? What on earth does that mean?
His good perfect and pleasing will? What does Good mean?

Either way I praise God for faith ... because I have no idea about him sometimes.

A DesWeekend

2008-09-30T16:48:00.000-07:00

So this weekend was actually enjoyable! Friday was a little weird though... My cousin Steph's friend passed my name on to her cousin who lives in Columbus and said that if he was ever in town to give me a call. So he did and he came to pick me up and he saw me and I really think he thought I was black ( because my cousin is) and he was really shocked. It was a little awkward and funny at the same time. Made me think about judging people ahead of time.

AnyWHO ...We ended up meeting up with his cousin and we went to this whole in the wall restaurant that played live jazz and it was sweet.

Saturday I hung out with fellow boilermakers. There is a Purdue Alumni Ass here so we went to a bar where they were all watching it. Then we went to see Macbeth at the new playhouse that just opened. The whole time I was trying to remember highschool and what was going on. It was still cool to watch. Then we went to this wine bar then dancing. It was nice doing something other than JUST the clubs.

Beauty

2008-09-23T17:26:00.000-07:00

So I hate going to the gym so to get me to excersise I have been going running outside...but then I realized (for the 100th time) I hate running I find it quite boring. so THEN I made my way to the Bedford reservation (one of the perks (may it be the only one) of Bedford). Its this national woodland area...or forest but I don't think you can call it a forest. Anyway this place is ridiculously huge. I have walked numerous hours in this place and have not seen the other side of it. I even run! Its not boring when you are looking at this amazing surroundings. Man God is creative. I keep thanking big pops for the gift. It's one of my comforts while here. I am not sure what I am going to do when the snow comes...I'm gonna have to go to the GYM! Blast

I got the most amazing letter from a friend today (via snail mail which made it twenty times better) BUT it just said how I inspired her and what not and then I got a text from another friend stating how God used me to change their entire life...dude Papa is soooo cool. I can't wait for heaven and standing before the Lord and having sin burn away and the jewels be left but seeing it now is so STINKING awesome and encouraging to see man the Lord it good and so BEAUTIFUL!

What else is BEAUTIFUL? My fathers trustworthiness, the word is a double edged sword. I talked to another friend and it was well not to go into detail but I felt like my friendships back at west laf was fading. I started getting this extreamly anxious feeling and thoughts/lies that I was going to be alone. Not in the sence of a relationship but of friendships. I will be moving so often and even if I make friends here they will be for a year and if the friends I have had for a little longer fade what chance do I have... and then the words that kept coming to mind were you are not of this world- and Jesus' prayer right before he was arrested. It was actually comforting.

Beauty

Good Week

2008-09-12T20:01:00.000-07:00

SO this week was pretty good. It went really fast infact. I think I am stareting to except this whole coperate life but I still don't like it. I would rather being working at Weida still at our church helping start SV there or mentoring other women. But whatever..I found people to go to dinner with tonight its cool having people to talk with but half way through the night i found myself wanting to just go home and read a book or watch a movie. I wanted to be at PU and play games with all my friends ...... laughing and not talking about nestle and drinking. I am grateful that Tina is here and she has introduced me to people. ho hum

little or BIG

2008-09-09T19:27:00.001-07:00

Little goals at a time while looking at the massive picture (yes massive rather than big) is what I have resolved to do to make it through this umm life? not really sure. But if I make little goals such as "one week at a time"... this whole five year plan dosn't seem so rough. The massive picture is God if i just think about doing things for him and ultimeatly i will be with him in the end it will be ok.

So I need a hobbie.... I really wanted to take golf lessons but I can't find anything around here that works. SO any ideas? The reservations here are kind of cool actually REALLY cool. They are beautiful lots and lots of trees and waterfalls, and deer... bambi and his family actually ahng around here a lot. I came home the other day and they were all feasting on the "lushes" lawn I have here at my front door.

The point

2008-09-05T15:36:00.000-07:00

Life ... sometimes I really wonder what THE POINT of life is all about. I believe wholeheartedly deep down that the Lord Jesus Christ is real that my father God is faithful and full of truth. HOWERVER sometimes I wonder about him. One of my major questions lately has been if we already know that God wins the battle... or even yet that Jesus won that battle on the cross and when he finally comes back that the devil will be thrown into the pit of fire why is that we go through this masquerade called life? I believe this question radiates louder with me since I have left home (Purdue) and have so somberly entered the "real world"... I am surrounded by people who are only here on this earth to make money, drink alcohol and have sex. Why does the Lord want to watch this?

I was so content and happy in Lafayette and this may seem self-centered but I honestly believe the Lord could have used me in great ways there. Yeah yeah he can use me anywhere but Dear Lord please give me a glimpse of why I am here so it would be easier to go through this dark cloud. Being at work and making money is inevitable I suppose but it seems so meaningless. Walking around with the supervisors at work I have heard one too many times about how they work as many Saturdays as they can, how they work seven days a week, how most days they get there at 3:30 or 4 even when they don't have to...just because. FOR REAL?!!?! Lord please keep me from this earthly dwelling!!! If any one sees me getting there walk into that plant find me and pull me out by the ear.